On the Lot

This was it.  Hollywood.  The big time.  No worrying about whether or not the pilot got picked up. This movie would be out there -- it might be a huge flop but it would be out there nonetheless. Early the next morning I made the drive to Plymouth, MA where the shoot would take place. The marshaling area was Plymouth High School. I arrived at 6:30AM and walked down a long, and surprisingly crowded, hallway to the cafeteria which was the designated "holding" area. Signs posted in the holding area said that the movie was called The Judge. I googled the title.  It's the story of a hotshot Chicago lawyer who returns to his hometown to deal with the death of his mother and ends up putting the CEO of a healthcare company on trial. Cast:  Robert Downey, Jr., Robert Duvall, Vera Farmiga, Billy Bob Thornton, Vincent D'Onofrio, David Krumholtz. Just my luck. I've never liked Robert Downey, Jr. and my hollywood debut would be a movie in which he stars. Oh well, I do love Duvall and Vera Farmiga is kind of hot. We would be shooting a courtroom scene. My first thoought was that I should have brought suspenders with my suit. I closed my eyes and pictured Gregory Peck's courtroom monologue in To Kill a Mockingbird. One of the best movie scenes of all time. I hoped like hell that Downey Jr. wouldn't attempt something similar. I checked in and was told to have some breakfast and wait to be called. Breakfast? I turned around and saw, like a beacon shining through the fog, a buffet. I don't typically eat much breakfast (I know, most important meal of the day, blah, blah) but when it comes to unlimited portions of pork products I have as much willpower as Lindsey Lohan at an open bar. There were also custom omelets, breakfast burritos and espresso drinks. Wow, $87.54 plus a serious meal.  Not bad.  I toddled towards the chow line drooling and grunting like a zombie from the Walking Dead. As I struggled to carry the fruits of my gluttony to a table I ran into my old buddy and acting mentor Mike who had guided me through the waiting process on the set of Hatfields and McCoys. He recognized me and we chatted for a while but he had to run off to wardrobe for a fitting, he had the inside track on a part as the bailiff.  Damn, I need to get into the union.

After eating I considered my next move. On Hatfields and McCoys I got dressed early then sat around for hours. I checked the line at wardrobe, very short. Screw it. I got into my suit and tie, combed my hair and waited to be examined head-to-toe by 2 or 3 very critical people who never seemed to be happy with what anyone was wearing. This time was no different. I had been told to wear a suit and the wardrobe people were looking at me like I'd worn cutoffs and a tee shirt. They conferred with each other as they checked me out. Lots of furrowed brows. They called over another person who also appeared to be concerned. Do I look that bad? Is there bacon grease on my shirt? Wait! It must be that I'm being considered for a bigger role and they want to make sure I looked perfect. Of course, what else could it be? I stood tall and proud. At that moment a man walked over to us and said:  "he's fine" and walked away. The others said nothing and immediately turned their attention to the next guy in line. I waited. Should I report to the casting director for further instructions? Finally one of them looked quizzically at me and said in a somewhat annoyed tone of voice:  "you can go back to holding." Dejected, I slunk off to the cafeteria where I ran into Mike, who was also unhappy. He didn't get the bailiff role because the costume wasn't large enough to fit him. Like the pigs that had given their lives for our breakfast, we wallowed in our mutual disappointment.

After only about an hour of waiting the assistant director starting lining us up in the hallway for movement to the set, which was in the county courthouse not far away. I had lost track of Mike who, I think, had wandered off to the Men's room to hang himself. Maybe I should check on him, but then I might not get to the set until later when the good background parts had been assigned. Mike would be okay. I fell into line. We squeezed about 18 people into a 12 passenger van and for the short ride to the set. Hollywood was about to be introduced to Tim McGuire.  In my head I recited my Oscar speech.